Instead of the plain ol’ finger or glare that can often be taken as NON-constructive criticism, I suggest every car come equipped with these pre-loaded messages to be flashed at appropriate moments:
- Even your grandma's Buick could’ve made that turn in its own lane. Your car begs a better driver.
- Phone books need to make a comeback, if only so you can clear the wheel height & not be a menace.
- Clearly they’re not making smart enough cars yet to compensate for your kind. If I wasn’t in a hurry, I would let you hit my car on your next abrupt lane change, for the amusement factor.
- Seriously… the make-up doesn’t help you enough (if at all) to risk my life over.
- Take some chill-out lessons from the canine in the back seat. Stop suffering from fear of missing out on potholes in every lane.
- (to some bikers) We already know you’re an impossibly cool & ironic hipster. What could possibly further increase your appeal & demand? Reduced supply! Stay home!!
- (to tourists, on foot) Does everything look more appealing from the middle of the road? Would the camera angle be lost once you crossed to the other side?
- (to tourists, in cars) Is it really that hard to locate map & destination BEFORE you start driving?
- (to the 99% out there right now) Is the idea to occupy 99% of the streets so that the % of the 99 that are still paying taxes to support you can’t get to work? And please stop that infernal noise with your guitar.
- If we were part of that experiment where I could shock you as punishment, you would be in orbit right now.
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